"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on, you fight to let go." - Daniel Stren
Me and my mom were having a conversation today about my attitude lately. I was diagnosed with depression October of last year and I've been struggling with it since. My depression would make me have horrible mood swings and I'd flip out on my parents for no reason. My life was like a tornado. I started seeing a counselor about 6 weeks ago and she's really helped me with my anger and depression. She's helped me realize that I can't move on with my life and be happy without actually WANTING it. I've realized that happiness isn't going to just fall in front of me like a leaf off a tree; it's something I'm going to have to work on for a long time. The past 2 or 3 weeks I've really been trying to change myself, I want to be happy. Today my mom told me how proud of me she is because she can see the change within me. She now doesn't have to fight with me to get me to do things, I just do them.You don't understand how happy that makes me. See guys, me and my mom used to have a great relationship until I was diagnosed with depression, that's when it all started going down hill. I wasn't the same Courtney I used to be and I distanced myself from not only my mom but all of my family and the majority of my friends. I feel as though me and my mom have lost the connection we used to have, and that makes my heart sink. I miss being close to her and I think that's one of the things that's made me really want to work on myself. I can feel a change within me, something inside of me has clicked. I'm sick of sitting around moping about how horrible my life is instead of taking the initiative to better it. I want to go back to "normal Courtney". I want me and my mom to become close again, because I really love her and miss her so much. This talk with my mom today has really helped me open my eyes. Yes, I have changed some but I haven't changed enough. Sometimes Change is for the better, and this time it really is.
I love you too Courtney, and I honestly am VERY proud of you!! I'll always be here for you, even when YOU are 41! Like I said today, I know how hard things have been for you, and I know how hard you've worked..and will continue to work...to get back in a good place again. I'll always love you!
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I know exactly how you feel when it comes to Depression. I was Diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety when I was about 15... It was a very difficult time in my life, I pushed my Family & Friends away even though they all were just trying to help me better my life and realize things weren't "that bad". I still struggle with it from time to time now as an Adult but try not to let it get me down as much! Just know you have your Family and they will always stand by you!!! Just yesterday I saw my Mom, Older sister and her 3 yr old Daughter for the first time in 3 Months (Mainly my own fault considering they only live an Hour away)But my Mom Hugged me and I didn't want her to let me go!!! No matter how old, young or Ornery we get we always have our Mothers to stand behind us and support us in All we do! =)
ReplyDeleteIt is difficult pushing your family and friends away, and I've finally realized that all they do is love me and care about me. I'm glad that you got to see your mother, sister, and niece! Maybe you'll have to make it more of a regular thing. (:
ReplyDeleteI definitely will! Actually talked to her on the phone for about an hour today and that is always nice too! :) Hope You have a Wonderful Week, gonna finish making Dinner, hubby will be home soon!
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